Expendable Teens

We always play a massacre show...

2010-02-12T13:34:00.000-08:00

...and this year is no different!

Not sure what Lou was thinking but I'm pretty sure after we play this gig we will be banned from the venue forever...just sayin'!

-Willy

If it ain't broke...

2009-08-01T14:48:00.001-07:00

BREAK IT!!!

-Athena

2009-06-16T22:25:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all, we have a new album coming out! The crazy part is that it was unplanned.

On a recent trip back to Toronto to see some old friends of mine, a pal gave me a recording he'd made of a gig we played at the Bovine Sex Club back in 2004. It was part of this punk rock show called the Ides of March. I think we were on the bill with two other bands, but damn if he or I can remember who they were (Sorry to whoever you were!).

It turned out the recording was pretty damn good. It's low-fi mono, but it's still a nice bootleg. I played it for the rest of the band and for Lou and we all decided to make it an official release. We're calling it Ban(ne)d in Canada. Here's the track listing:

(1.) Intro by Lou Easi (2.) Rama Is Coming (3.) “Athena tells a dirty joke” (4.) I Know Victoria’s Secret (5.) “Scuz invites a girl backstage” (6.) In the Tub with Marilyn (7.) Waitin’ at Rhonda’s Corner (8.) “Flip fixes a snare head while Scuz talks about Toronto strip bars” (9.) Savage She-Male (10.) Loving You Is Like an Ice Pick in My Skull (11.) “Willy hates the I-Robot movie” (12.) Three-Headed Hydra (13.) Devil Whiskey (14.) Las Mujeres Vampiro (15.) One Night Stand (16.) “Someone buys Scuz a Labatt Blue” (17.) I Like Kicking You in the Face (18.) Point of No Return

I broke the snare head during "Rhonda's Corner" and I'd forgotten about Scuz telling how he loves strip clubs in Toronto because the girls work hard for the money. The album will be released later this summer (probably August) once we finish up the album art.

We are working on new old stuff - a 45rpm single. When was the last time anyone did that? The A-side is "Pussy on a Leash" with Athena on lead vocals. The B-side is "You Can Come Over (but You Can't Babysit)." We're only going to sell it at live shows, just like in the old days.

We're doing a lot of Midwest gigs. Quick shout to The Catburglars. Great show @ Ronny's (I doubt we'll ever release those tapes...but, please tell me someone recorded that show!!!)

See y'all on the flip side.

Flip.

When it rains, it rocks!!!

2009-05-31T16:36:00.000-07:00

Not sure what happened, but all of a sudden the EXPENDABLE TEENS are in high gear. I haven't seen them this jizzed in years. I think the grind of the studio this past year, false starts and salt farts not withstanding, has made them a bit restless. Nostalgia and excitement about SPAM NECKLACE has brought a lot of bands back to us and new bands that have only heard the stories.

Our last show in Detroit we felt bad that we did not include a link to our rock brothers the DRAG STRIPPERS, sorry boys...

We played a show on Thursday night in Columbus OHIO @ Skully's with some far out dudes named THE MOOPS! Even though Skuz was rude and obnoxious to you boys...I can tell you that it really revitalized him!!! Keep it up!!! You've got what it takes. (which is a flaming paper bag full of dog crap...cherish it)

I should mention that Willy went down to Used Kids (he swears he will be doing a WEEKLY WILLY'S WROUND-UP of classic vinyl from his collection) and snapped a few crappy pics of "the door". He couldn't locate any of the stickers from back in the day...all the stickers have been stuck several times over at this point...and just as he was to peel a new sticker he noticed someone had already beat him to it. Good job Columbus!!!

We are grabbing dinner before the big show (no opener) at Inferno tonight here in Madison Wisconsin. Hope to see you all there (or dead!)

Lou

May Massacre @ Magic Stick

2009-05-14T12:28:00.000-07:00

A real update...

2009-03-29T23:06:00.000-07:00

Hey, cats and kittens, thought you all deserved a better update than Scuz and I goin' at it. Thanks to everyone who came to see our shows Down Under last year. We hope to get back to Oz and Tasmania in the near future. We needed some time off when we got back to the U.S. We got back on election day to cast our votes and catch up with friends and family before heading off on a short Midwest tour before the holidays. The last photo i posted was taken by Flip at a hair coloring party thrown by a friend of mine in Detroit. Flip's mohawk is now blue, and Scuz has blond streaks in his hair. If he grew it out, he'd look like Iggy Pop. Willy, of course, still has the mane that can't be tamed, although he is considering donating it to Locks of Love www.locksoflove.org, which he's done before, but he may go back to his natural hair color...no one knows what that is though.

The Midwest tour to promote "Spam Necklace" was awesome. We kicked off in Detroit, naturally, at my gal-pal Cherry Perry's Orchard club on the west side. After that, we hit Flint, Kalamazoo, Sturgis, Fort Wayne, Muncie, Indianapolis, Evansville, Louisville, Memphis, and Atlanta. We did a pop-up gig in Chicago (at a place called NO EXIT) before heading back home. A lot of venues are closing due to this economy, but that won't stop us. We've played everything from parking garages to playgrounds.

We decided to hold of on releasing "Spam Necklace" not because we have to, because we want to. We are toying with some ideas, but we just felt the time wasn't right. That's all I'm going to say about it for now...

Rock hard.

Athena.

...not a PC!

2009-03-27T17:49:00.000-07:00

I did not fuck up all the computers...they were fine when I chucked 'em out the window!
If Scuz and Willy want me to pay for the windows...fine!!!

Or maybe they could use all the money Flip and I made for them with "Gimme the Finger" instead.

-Athena

Under Cuntsruction

2009-03-22T22:36:00.000-07:00

Athena phuqued up all the computers we have...as soon as we're back on line, we'll post.

Many of you are logging on for the first time and we apologize for the incuntvenience!

Now that Facebook is so popular, and no one important uses Myspace anymore, we are toying with the idea of joining Myspace and posting some old demos.

We've got new merch...

...so if you want a sticker, send us your addy! Otherwise, fukawf!!!

Scuz (as dicktated to Willy)

The boys are back at it!

2008-05-07T19:34:00.000-07:00

We just bought a full-page ad in the book Scared Ya by Havert/Wilkison and Filer. We've known the boys for awhile and we like that they don't mind our on again off again schedule of recording, touring and promotion. We asked both Nik and Bill to give us a hand with the ad. Athena and Willy are super geeks when it comes to mags like Circus and Creem. So we had an idea for an ad and the boys did a great job. You'll have to buy a copy of the comic in order to see it though.

The boys have been pitching us for a follow-up to the highly successful KEZG mini-comic and we finally said yes after seeing Bill's new work on the ad. We always loved his Rockheads! stuff. "Don't Plunder My Booty" will be out later this year. Our upcoming album ("Spam Necklace") will also be coming out later...

Jaimie Filer (who did one of the first bootlegs of the original Teens comic) is also a big fan who collects concert flyers. Turns out he has a few from some shows we did in the late 90's. We hope others out there have a similar interest and share those with us as well. We are going to start posting some here but we might not be able to get to that until June.

Until them, look forward to some new merch...

Stickers
Guitar Picks
Buttons
we might do another t-shirt if you're lucky

Lou Easi, Esquire

Scuz on the Barbie

2008-04-28T19:03:00.000-07:00

Hey, fans. Sorry for the long delay in posting, but we're still touring Down Under. The band loves it down here, mainly because these folks know how to party, and they love rock and roll. We did a six-show tour of Tasmania and then took a break in Auckland, New Zealand to work on more tracks for "Spam Necklace." I'm happy to say that all the demos are finally laid down and the band has started refining things here and there.

We've taken some time to enjoy the sights. Flip is still trying to figure out Australian rules football after we met up with a team at a pub in Marlborough. Scuz spilled what looked like a gallon of Foster's on the team captain. The whole team got up in one motion. It was like watching Tom Brady being rushed by the Giants' defensive line. Scuz got knocked through a door that we thought led to the kitchen, but actually led to the pub basement. A pub crawler snapped the shot of Scuz after he came to a halt on the landing.

In the meantime, I'm trying to keep calm things down before Willy and I are crushed by these Kiwi bruisers. Before I can plead our case, Athena slugs the team captain across a table and Flip is standing in the door to the basement telling them they'll have to go through him to get to Scuz. They were ready to try when the captain got up and said he'd "never had a Shiela hit him like that before."

The next thing I know, he's buying her a drink and the team's helping Scuz up the stairs! I tell you, these Kiwis are some of the craziest people I've met. The team even offered to bounce, for only the price of free tickets, at our show in Hawkes Bay! Come see us if you're free May 2nd. If not, we'll be in Gisbourne on the 4th. This whole incident was the inspiration for "Marlborough Pub Fight" - the last track on "Spam Necklace."

After this tour, it's back to the States to put the finishing touches on "Spam Necklace." I got an e-mail from one of our Indiana superfans, Nik Havert, saying that he and the other Indiana superfan, Bill Wilkison, are working on a new comic about the Teens. We're looking forward to seeing it, and there's supposedly another bootleg (this one from Texas) of the original comic floating around out there. We haven't seen it yet, but Nik said he has seen the cover and it looks like some sort of weird collage art remix.

For all of you who have been asking, here's the track listing for "Spam Necklace":

Spam Necklace (currently recording, release date to be announced): (1.) Beer and Ice Cream (2.) I’m in Love with Sylvia Saint (3.) Let’s Watch Porn (4.) Spam Necklace (5.) I’m Not from Around Here (6.) Cooties (7.) 747 Straight to Hell (8.) Journey to Han’s Island (9.) Gorilla Librarian (10.) It’s a Mess (11.) Disturbed (12.) Texas Grapefruit (13.) Surf & Turf (14.) Marlborough Pub Fight
Credits: Scuz – Lead vocals (except for “It’s a Mess”), beer bottles on “Beer and Ice Cream” / Willy – Guitars, backing vocals on “Beer and Ice Cream,” “Let’s Watch Porn,” and “Marlborough Pub Fight” / Athena – Bass, backing vocals on “Beer and Ice Cream,” “Let’s Watch Porn,” “Texas Grapefruit,” and “Marlborough Pub Fight” / Flip – Drums, lead vocal on “It’s a Mess,” backing vocals on “Beer and Ice Cream,” “Let’s Watch Porn,” and “Marlborough Pub Fight.”

Stay rockin'.

Lou.

You say you want a revolution?!

2007-07-05T19:28:00.000-07:00

Best bootleg EVER!

Whoever is responsible for this bootleg was a fool for not including a return address. I couldn't make out the postmark either! By the same token I'm totally stoked that they committed so fully to THE WHITE EDITION! The cover is only the beginning (done on a nice thick cardstock). They sent us 15 copies in pristine condition. This person (or people) really did their homework. (When we bootleg the bootlegs we usually print 15...the exact number of tickets The Teens sold for their first concert.) Interestingly the credit page replaces the pin-up page in this edition but is a copy of the original credit page.

When we decided to call the first story UNLIMITED EDITION it was merely a play on words and a stab and the comic book industry that tried to take advantage of fans by offering "limited editions" just to turn and burn an alternate copy including "never before seen pages" then dump it all in a trade paperback three months later. When the first bootleg appeared three months after we released UNLIMITED EDITION Nik and I must admit we were a bit pissed off...then Lou Easi, manager of the TEENS, got us on the phone and made it clear that UNLIMITED EDITION was far more than a clever play on words. He told us that it was a self fulfilling prophecy and that the fans of The Teens would insure that the comic would always be made available in UNLIMITED quantities. Seeing the original credit page in this edition with the words UNLIMITED EDITION it really hit home what Nik and I were able to add to The Teens legacy and we thank them whole heartedly for letting us tell their story.

As for "THE WHITE EDITION", like I said there is something VERY SPECIAL in the pages of this unassuming cover! It's kind of what Nik and I had in mind when we wrote it. Well, one of the things we had in mind, anyway!

"We're more famous than The Beatles...and they were more famous that Jesus Christ...so, #*@% ?&!." -Scuz, 1994

We're big in Cumslo, Georgia!

2007-07-02T17:40:00.000-07:00

Flip recently had a family emergency in Macon, Georgia where his uncle lives. Before heading home, Flip wanted to see Athens. The Teens played there back in the 80's and even though they all have great memories of the shows (opening for R.E.M.) they never returned after an incident with Scuz, a barrel of tar and a coop full of chickens! Stopping in Gray, GA to refuel, Flip had the distinct pleasure of meeting one Mr. Peter "Nutter" Newton, "Ambassador of the South" and Expendable Teens Fan from Cumslo, GA. "Nutter" comes from a long line of peanut farmers and is earnestly promoting his very own brand of biodiesel peanut oil, "Nutter-Putter" (There's Nuttin' Better!)

Turns out Nutter's grandson turned him onto the band and after a quick call on what might possibly be the last telephone booth in america Nutter's daughter-in-law and grandson were on the scene and presented Flip with one of the most unique bootlegs to date. We give you, the PEANUT EDITION!!!

Not sure if it was given to Flip in this condition or what happened, but aside from the cover there is very little that is unique to this edition which is sad. At first, other than it's origins I had no idea why it would even need an alternate cover and felt, as I still do, that the edition could have gone further to promote it's "nuttiness." If it was up to me I would have altered the comic and done things like replacing The Teens "NO" Logo with the peanut logo, change the dialoque to make Flip allergic to "peanuts" rather than "shellfish", etc...

So, like I said, it took me several passes before I finally saw the single stroke of genius that set this edition apart from all others. Aside from the bootlegging phenomenon itself there are three distinct characteristics that every bootleg seems to have:

1. alternate cover

2. art is omitted/added (often times this occurs on the inside covers and/or pin-up page)

3. another graphic is inserted above Lou's head on page six

Well, two out of three ain't bad. The addition of what appears to be an actual peanut above Lou's head was brilliant and we hope future bootleggers are as creative. We still can't believe that Nutter didn't make the kid put an advertisement for "Nutter-Putter" in the back!

ps...Lou says that if Nutter wants The Teens as the official spokeband of "Nutter-Putter" they're all in! He figures since most promoters pay them peanuts anyway at least Nutter would pay in REAL peanuts!

Mad-Libs invade Expendable Teens

2007-06-29T23:27:00.000-07:00

Wow!

I had no idea the extent they went to make this bootleg!

When Willy discribed it to me it sounded like someone had just taken white out and rewritten Nik's script. But this is a full on Mad-Libs infusion. Write down to the adjectives, past tense verbs and plural nouns. You got to see it to believe it! We're feverishly bootlegging the bootleg to have for fans at this years InConJunction next weekend in Indianapolis.

(One small, and I do mean small, critisicm. Some of the Mad-Libs directives are so tiny they might not copy well.)

But take a look at the cover! As Johnny Eppich would say, "This page alone is worth a dollar."
The original cover art is not in color. Black ink on Neon Green paper (which we will faithfully reproduce.)

I wanted to see what it would look like done up in all it's Mad-Libs glory. And my oh my....happy Fourth of July everybody!

See ya in the pits...

B!

Holy Crap! I'm totally freaking out!

2007-06-22T23:07:00.000-07:00

I Like Kicking You in the Face (released October 01, 1979 – vinyl only).
Track listing: (1.) I Like Kicking You in the Face (2.) Gimmie the Finger (3.) American Occupation (4.) Music to Creep By (5.) Tangled Desire
Credits: Scuz – Lead vocals / Willy – Guitars, theremin on “Music to Creep By” / Athena – Bass, lead vocal on “Gimme the Finger” / Flip – Drums / All songs written by the Expendable Teens

B! here:

Incredibly big thanks to B.R. Styne of Royal Oak, Michigan for sending this scan of the EXTREMELY RARE "I like kicking you in the face" album cover. Unfortunatly B. R. lost the album shortly after he purchased it back in 1980 when he left it in the car on a hot summer day.

B. R. says, "My mom threw it away because I left it in the car and it melted one extremely hot summer day in July, 1980. I never even got the chance to listen to it! Luckily she had the presence of mind to keep the album cover, which may be the only reason I purchased it in the first place, I mean, look at it?! I was twleve at the time and I had already gone through my Cheryl Teigs phase and needed something a little harder."

This album is incredible for several reasons:
1. Both Side A and Side B contain the same track listing.
2. The album was covered in a faux astro-turf type substance that Scuz tells me "would rub off and get all over everything...it was a mess!"
3. Even though it was recorded in STEREO...The Teens recorded it so that it would only play out of the left speaker.

RUMOR (That THE TEENS will not confirm or deny.) The first fifty pressings of the album had the photo of the cheerleader sans panties! However, a pair of thin white cotton panties were used as the inner sleeve. I wonder what B.R.'s mom would have thought of that?!

My-scurious!

2007-05-24T16:05:00.000-07:00

Can someone send us the link to the Myspace Expendable Teens "FAN" page. Athena heard about it but I can't find it.

Thanks!

B!

"This page alone is worth more than a dollar!"

2007-05-09T23:58:00.000-07:00

That's what Johnny Eppich said about the Expendable Teens: Limited Edition last year. He was commenting on the Kitten Eating Zombie Grandmas splash page.

While Nik, Lou, The Teens and I work out the details of an official "online edition" you can get started on your very own bootleg by sending one dollar to The Inkslinger:

Post Mail: B. Wilkison, PO Box 40352, Indianapolis IN 46240-0352
E-mail: theinkslinger@mac.com

Remember to include your name and address and I will be more than happy to send you a copy. This is merely a good faith gesture and will cover the costs of any shipping and handling. Remember, once you make a bootleg version they are yours to sell. Just make sure you credit Nik Havert and myself (B. Wilkison) as creators and include this site: expendableteens.blogspot.com

Lou would like nothing more than to see dozens if not hundreds of bootlegs in circulation, but as he told me this afternoon: "It's like we say at our shows, the difference between bootlegging and stealing is worth the price of addmission."

Legal Stuff (or as we like to say Commom Courtesy)

2007-04-26T10:45:00.000-07:00

The story so far...

"For those of you who don't know, Bill Wilkison and I talked the famous underground punk rock band, The Expendable Teens, into doing a lot of promotional art for them. Bill has done numerous sketches of the band (Scuz, Willy, Athena, and Flip) and even one of their manager.

"We came up with the idea of doing a Teens mini-comic (kind of like an episode of Scooby-Doo, but starring the Teens and minus the annoying dog). They loved the idea, and the Teens mini-comic premiered at Wizard World Chicago last year.

"Since then, a red cover "bootleg edition" of the comic has appeared. Bill and I have some of these for sale (as well as the original). We contacted the Teens about this, and they thought it was pretty cool since they've been letting fans bootleg their live shows for years. They told us to encourage bootlegging of the comic book as well.

"So if you find, buy, or get a copy of the Teens mini-comic, you can "bootleg" it by making your own version. The only catch is that you need to credit me [Nik Havert] and Bill Wilkison as the creators and also put in a link to the Teens' blog (http://expendableteens.blogspot.com/).

Nik

Flipping out!

2007-04-26T10:39:00.000-07:00

If any one has a copy of the MAD LIBS bootleg, I want to see it!

Flip!

Spaz downdate!

2007-04-22T10:58:00.000-07:00

Hello from down under! Scuz here to let you know where we've been. After touring through the southwest, Lou managed to find us some gigs in Australia. Of course, we had to ride on a fishing boat the whole way there. I ended up burning half of my clothes because of the damn smell.

We got here in five pieces. Our gear is another story. It ended up at an Australian canning factory with about 50 tons of fish. Luckily, it went untouched in a utility closet, and no one at the company seemed to know how it got there. The weirdest part was that Willy's guitar had been re-tuned to perfection somewhere along the way.

We've played seven gigs in Australia now, and Triple J (the big radio station here) still won't let us on the air. I think it may have something to do with one of their slimy producers asking Athena if she wanted to see his one-eyed wallaby and her responding by head butting him.

We're keeping Foster's in business and Willy's ready to punch Flip for saying, "You wanna get outta here, you talk to me." in his best Mel Gibson voice every time we leave a joint. Flip's fallen in love with Vegemite. I swear to Cthulhu it's true.

We have seven more gigs to go, and then it's back to the states to work on the new album (tentative title "Spam Necklace").

Stay crazy.

Note from B!

Sorry for the late post Spaz...I've been a bit under the weather and just totally spaced your e-mail. So, all you Ex-T fans read on as Lou tells you what's new...

FAFU!

2007-04-13T21:42:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well.

Lou, here!

After a long holiday (away from each other) the band is back together. Ironically we all ended up in Australia and did a few shows. Scuz was suppose to get an update on here! We're ready to start booking dates for the upcoming Summer Tour. June, July and August are our biggest months followed closely by last minute gigs and supermarket parking lots in September, October and November. We usually take the holiday months off...December, January, February and March and spend the next two months April and May rehearsing and recording (not necessarily in that order.) More on that when Scuz updates. I'm trying to make him take more responsibility and my therapist says I need to stop "enableing him." Trouble is if I didn't enable him he wouldn't be "able" to do much of anything.

Ever since we started this blog, we have been receiving countless e-mails from people that remember us back when. Well we're happy to say that we are still killing the time signatures and hope to see you soon. And if you remember the old days you should know to arrive early because one of three things are bound to happen:

1. We get closed down by the authorities about two or three songs into the set.
2. Athena trashes everything in sight, including the instruments and the amps.
3. Scuz just sort of disappears.

Also, a big thanks for anyone so far that has taken the time to dig out any Expendable Teens memorabilia from whatever damp, rat infested, mold covered dump heap you've been storing them in. Seriously people some of these pics are disgusting. Then again, we probably got them from us that way. We'll be posting them in the months to come.

For now, on to more exciting news...even though there are no current plans for another Expendable teens comic, we still have found a number of bootlegs currently circulating. We've actually heard about more than we've seen. But they are all becoming increasingly more creative.

This was one of the most interesting that we found in Covington, KY. We're referring to it as the "chainsaw edition". The back cover credits J.C. Filer, a friend of the band and Expendable Teen artist B. Wilkison. The cover does not seem to have been done by J.C. and while a rendition of the band appears in the book that is distinctly J.C.'s the book just seems to be a cheap imitation of J.C's style over the original version by B! But, none the less we have decided to make this version THE OFFICIAL BOOTLEG EDITION. There are some distinct differences from the original that make this book really special. It's not just your average copy and burn style of bootleg. Here's a preview:

As THE OFFICIAL BOOTLEG EDITION we have rebootleged the bootleg and now sell it as well as the originals at all of our shows. I understand that J.C. will have some on hand during an appearance at something called S.P.A.C.E. in Ohio this month.

Speaking of bootlegs, "Little Suzie" Johnson of Amboy, IN, posted this image of her signed copy of the mini-comic on one of a few forums that have started to spring up since the bootleg phenomenon began last year. While the copy she got signed was an original comic and not a bootleg it is rare to have all four signatures on any one article of merchandise. Athena and Willy are the best at signing merchandise, then Flip. If you're lucky enough to find Scuz in a state to even hold a pen let alone sign, consider yourself lucky!

For some reason we've been getting a lot of questions about our past association with Stiff Records and the recent decision not to include THE TEENS in "The Return of Nuggets" CD collection by Rhino Entertainment. Well, as some of you know the relationship with Stiff ended abruptly in the fall of 1984 even though they held our contracts until the spring of 1989. For those of you that are interested we are trying to compile a collection of memorabilia from that era. So, if you have any, please contact theinkslinger@mac.com!

Thanks to Nik we were able to amass the information needed to publish the following "discography".

The Expendable Teens discography
The Stiff Records years
All titles released by Detroit, Michigan’s Stiff Records

I Like Kicking You in the Face (released October 01, 1979 – vinyl only).
Track listing: (1.) I Like Kicking You in the Face (2.) Gimmie the Finger (3.) American Occupation (4.) Music to Creep By (5.) Tangled Desire
Credits: Scuz – Lead vocals / Willy – Guitars, theremin on “Music to Creep By” / Athena – Bass, lead vocal on “Gimme the Finger” / Flip – Drums / All songs written by the Expendable Teens

Too Late Is Better Than Never (released April 11, 1980 – vinyl and CD).
Track listing: (1.) Miracles Are For Pussies (2.) One Night Stand (3.) I Won’t Forgive Reagan (4.) Spank Me with Your Bible Belt (5.) Don’t Think (6.) Pre-Thanksgiving Feast (7.) Taxes to Beat the Axis (8.) Master of Kung Fu (9.) Vampire in a Bikini (10.) Eat Your Heart Out (11.) Blind as a Bat (12.) Moondance (13.) Gutpunch CD BONUS TRACKS: (14.) Murray Is a Jerk (15.) Miracles Are For Pussies – LIVE (16.) Fun Bags (17.) I’ve Had It Up to Here (18.) One Night Stand – LIVE
Credits: Scuz – Lead vocals, creaking door on “One Night Stand,” breaking dishes on “Pre-Thanksgiving Feast,” bullwhip on “Spank Me with Your Bible Belt” / Willy – Guitars, backing vocals on “I Won’t Forgive Reagan” / Athena – Bass, lead vocal on “Fun Bags,” backing vocals on “One Night Stand” / Flip – Drums, insulting rant on “Murray Is a Jerk” / All songs written by the Expendable Teens except “Moondance” (by Van Morrison)
One Night Stand / Taxes to Beat the Axis (single - released April 11, 1980 – vinyl only)
Credits: Scuz – Lead vocals / Willy – Guitars / Athena – Bass, backing vocals on “One Night Stand” / Flip – Drums / Written by the Expendable Teens

Rocket to Uranus (released March 09, 1981 – vinyl and CD)
Track listing: (1.) Bustin’ Out (2.) The Bottom Line (3.) My Ladybug (4.) Rocket to Uranus (5.) I’ve Never Seen Her Wrestle (6). Empty-Headed College Girls (7.) Watching From the Shadows (8.) Runnin’ with the Wolfpack (9.) Change of Plans (10.) Point of No Return (11.) Major Setback (12.) She’s a Spinner (13.) The Indians Got Screwed (14.) Beer Is Good
Credits: Scuz – Lead vocals, shakers on “The Indians Got Screwed,” vibrator on “Rocket to Uranus” / Willy – Guitars, theremin on “Rocket to Uranus” / Athena – Bass, lead vocal on “My Ladybug,” backing vocals on “Empty-Headed College Girls” and “She’s a Spinner” / Flip – Drums, backing vocals on “I’ve Never Seen Her Wrestle” / All songs written by the Expendable Teens

Rocket to Uranus / Major Setback (live) (single - released September 05, 1981 – vinyl only)
Credits: Scuz – Lead vocals, vibrator on “Rocket to Uranus” / Willy – Guitars, theremin on “Rocket to Uranus” / Athena – Bass / Flip – Drums / Written by the Expendable Teens

Pirates, Banditos, and Other Assorted Tough SOB’s (released December 22, 1984 – vinyl and CD)
Track listing: (1.) I Could Take Superman (2.) Germs in My Jeans (3.) In the Tub with Marilyn (4.) Cathouse (5.) Giant Monster (6.) Devil Whiskey (7.) The Return of Captain Nemo (8.) Sleepin’ at the Y (9.) One Night Stand – DEMO VERSION (10.) American Occupation - LIVE (11.) I Like Kicking You in the Face - LIVE
Credits: Scuz – Lead vocals, splashing water on “In the Tub with Marilyn,” creaking door on “One Night Stand,” / Willy – Guitars, backing vocals on “Devil Whiskey” / Athena – Bass, lead vocal on “Cathouse,” backing vocals on “One Night Stand” / Flip – Drums, backing vocals on “Sleepin’ at the Y” / All songs written by the Expendable Teens

Adolescent Thunder (released April 19, 1989 – vinyl and CD)
Track listing: (1.) Moldy Mommy Mummy (2.) Show Me Your Pantylines (3.) Who Do You Love? (4.) Penguins with Guns (5.) Miracles Are For Pussies – LIVE (6.) One Night Stand – LIVE (7.) Gimme the Finger – LIVE (8.) Gutpunch – LIVE (9.) Runnin’ with the Wolfpack – LIVE (10.) Funbags – LIVE (11.) Rocket to Uranus – LIVE (12.) Beer Is Good – LIVE (13.) I Could Take Superman – LIVE (14.) Sleepin’ at the Y – LIVE
Credits: Scuz – Lead vocals, maracas on “Who Do You Love?”, vibrator on “Rocket to Uranus” / Willy – Guitars, theremin on “Rocket to Uranus” / Athena – Bass, backing vocals on “One Night Stand,” lead vocal on “Gimmie the Finger” and “Funbags,” / Flip – Drums, backing vocals on “Sleepin’ at the Y” / All songs written by the Expendable Teens except “Who Do You Love?” (by Bo Diddley)

And for those of you who remember what all the fuss was about I've pulled out my one and only copy of the cassette we made after leaving Stiff...basically it was a "Happy Fuck You Card" to Stiff that infuriated the record execs and turned us into the pariahs you've all come to know and love.

It was about as direct as we have ever been and I can't help but feel a bit nostalgic. Stiff, on the other hand went so far as to completely obliterate us from any archives or history about their company...and all we can say to that is...MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

Merry Punkmas!!!

2006-12-22T22:38:00.000-08:00

Lou here,

First of all we would like to once again thank B! and Nik for their dedication to The Teens. They both have an endless supply of energy and are punk to their very cores (regardless of what they wear.) They have both taken it upon themselves to try and catalog the various BOOTLEGS we've seen throughout the midwest.

B! invites you all to send copies or scans to him at the following addresses:

Post Mail: B. Wilkison, PO Box 40352, Indianapolis IN 46240-0352
E-mail: theinkslinger@mac.com

Nik says that even if you have or plan to bootleg the comic and want to send us a copy...feel free. Thievery is the greatest source of flattery.

Here is what we believe to be the fabled first bootleg. We call it The Red Cover Edition. Looks like it was just copied on a crappy copier. The paper is thin and there are no liner notes on the inside front cover. The pin-up of me is also missing. (That's an improvement in my opinion.) The authograph page is also missing and in its place a low res copy of J.C. Filer's depiction of the band. This edition first appeared about three months after the original's release in August.

So, keep those cards and letters and bootlegs coming folks! Speaking of cards, the band posed for B! to draw the band members individual Xmas cards this year. So, Merry Punkmas!!!

B! is selling the originals...I think he said they ar $40 a pop but, you can get all four for $150. I think he used watercolour (B! likes to experiment with different body fluids when he paints with watercolours, so you'll have to contact him to know for sure.) Just drop him a line at one of the addresses above. The prints measure 7" X 10" and generally kick punk ass from here to Nebraska!!!

Beware of Bootlegs!

2006-11-20T01:54:00.000-08:00

Lou here!

It has come to our attention that since we introduced The Expendable Teens mini-comic in August many people have started to bootleg the comic. Apparently there are a number of these copies out there. One in particular has a red cover I am told.

The Teens are kind of on the fence as what to do about the issue. We have never been ones to really stake claim to ANYTHING. I protect their image simply to avoid them being exploited. We don't feel that the bootlegs go as far as to exploit the Teens, but we do feel that there is no need to bootleg something that is readily available and in unlimited supply.

Since we haven't posted for awhile, here is some file footage of the teens on a trip we took out west. I think this is New Mexico or Arizona...I think it's the TEENS but I can't be sure. There were a couple of bands on the tickets. It could be The Queers...in any event, good show!

Mike Hunt wants to kill your mom.

2006-10-07T22:30:00.000-07:00

Who needs black and white glossy photos when B!'s around?! I ran out of photos during the last tour and B! was kind enough to sketch up some quikies for me. That mf is fast!

Plus I want him to design ALL of my t-shirts.

And he just taught me how to add pictures on this thing...watch out ppl!

Bach rocks my Kach!!!

Willy says...

2006-09-11T00:57:00.000-07:00

We're not dead, we're only sleeping.

Nothing could make me drive over eight hours back to Detroit than spending a single solitary night in Kentucky...yucky!

Are you kidding me?!

2006-08-21T22:08:00.000-07:00

Lou here...

Okay, we figured it out...this whole time I've been using my booking sheet from '96! So, every venue we've "attempted" to play this year has been shut down or knocked down. This is pretty sad given the fact that in 10 years over half the venues we played at have failed and no longer bring you the kind of music that will propell the indie spirit into the future. Now it's all American Idol Worship, which in a way is not all that bad, but I just can't seem to figure out who is exploiting who there.

Indianapolis, Indiana: The Patio in Broad Ripple. I must say I was a bit surprised to see this on the tour! There was a time it was owned by the same folks as The Vogue, and ever since Scuz took it upon himself to jump up on stage and crash the Iggy Pop show, we were "infinitely banned" from all Indianapolis venues. Come to think of it, this might have been during a Michigan show. I think there use to be a Vogue there too. Or was it The Vic in Chicago. Either way it's been awhile since we were "back home again in Indiana." Scuz kept singing this on the bus to a tape he found of Jim Neighbors...the guy that played Gomer Pyle.

So, long story short...I'm using the wrong tour book, we go to the now defunked Patio and we end up over the river in a biker bar that got a bit out of hand. J.C. Filer was there to catch the madness. Actually, they were quite nice and I promised to give a plug to the bar, but I wrote the info on the back of the old tour book and seem to have misplaced it. J.C. says there are some decent venues down around the Kentucky/Ohio boarder so we're going to check it out. Anyway, enjoy...and when in Indy (as they call it) look for this biker bar...you can't miss it...we had a BRAWL!

©2006 J.C. Filer
©2006 Expendable Teens

Flip can read, can you!

2006-08-11T16:35:00.000-07:00

Basically the only reason for this post is to keep you all from seeing Flip's last comments on the previous post. The Bottom Lounge use to be one of the hottest, sweatiest rooms in the windy city. Back in the day many bands opened for themselves, sans the lead singer. If you didn't, a band like the teens could usually show up with our gear and play the opening spot. Who knew the place would ever vanish? Not a good sign! But, the teens have weathered the death of punk many times over and live to tell the tale. I found an alternate venue and that's all that matters. So there, Flip!

That said, we wanted to thank B! for letting us hijack his blogspot and introduce us to his art cronies. J.C. Filer offers up this great pic of the TEENS...

Hey, B! We may have hired the wrong artist.

--Lou

Paint It Bleck

2006-08-11T16:20:00.000-07:00

Hey, Flip here. Did you all see us at Lollapalooza in Chicago's Grant Park on August 5th?

No? Why not?

Oh yeah, WE WEREN'T THERE!

That's right, screw Perry Ferrell and all those corporate ass clowns who think they're the best thing since individually wrapped slices of cheese. If you wanted to see REAL punk rock that doesn't charge fans a few pints of blood and a couple hundred bucks for a whole weekend of posers, emo crap, and warm bottled water, you were at the gig at the old Schlotsky's Deli on Division Street at 1:00am, where we rocked the freakin' house 'til about 1:45 when Chicago's finest came to kick us out because we didn't have the right permit to rent the building for the night. Thanks, Lou.

But those who were there saw something special. Scuz was soaked with Old Style when he told the fans he hadn't showered in two days, Athena kissed some girl and then kicked her boyfriend in the nuts, Willy did an improptu solo during "Show Me Your Pantylines" that incorporated the Benny Hill theme (which got the whole place moshing and just about every girl flashing her rack), and I cracked a symbol during "Prom Night Disaster" (the B-side to "I Forgot My Calculator"), but I may keep it for a future track. It has this cool, quick fade sound that I like.

We're probably headed south for a little while toward Indianapolis and maybe Kentucky and Tennessee. I can't wait to see how those southern folks take to a mohawked black man with arms as thick as the Guns of Navarone.

Flip out!

WOW!

2006-08-05T20:54:00.000-07:00

We thought it was cool!
They thought it was cool!
But, the votes are in and the indication seems to be that you thought is was cool as well.

Thanks to all of our fans, old and new, for supporting the true independent spirit of punk music. For the past 24 year, the Expendable Teens have been rocking out to the beat of their own drummer...albeit, Flip! But thanks to the fans we have never and I mean NEVER had to sell out. Like I said before, the music you get comes directly from us, no labels no BMI or other bullshit...just straight forward punk rock music from the heart.

How do we do it. With your help, their hasn't been a gig in the past 15 years that hasn't been fully catered by the few dedicated fans in the midwest that kept our bellies full and our hearts light. Now a whole new generation of fans seem to be getting into the legend of the TEENS thanks to Nik Havert and B. Wilkison. Those boys are spot on in both spirit and good old fashioned know how. They know their audience. They printed just enough Expendable Teens UNLIMITED EDITION mini comics to distribute at this years Wizard World in Chicago without blowing the bank or disappointing any fans. A big comicbook convention, for the midwest they tell me...I've never heard of it, but then again, most people have never heard of us...hey, sounds like our kind of crowd.

Nik and Bill wanted me to give praise to one fan who summed up the spirit of the TEENS in just a few words. After purchasing the mini comic for a mere $1 he turned to the splash page (I like this term, but I have know idea what it means) he exclaimed:

"This page alone is worth more than a dollar." - Johnny Eppich

So, if any of you punk rock zombie loving fans want to get in on this we want to hear more. Next year marks our 25th anniversary and we want to give the fans every inch of fun for their hard earned money! We really appreciate it. And as always, don't blow smoke up our ass. If you hate us, or the comic, let us know that too. We already have your dollar...so, piss off.

-Lou

I'm too sexy for this blog!

2006-07-29T23:06:00.000-07:00

Well, we've managed to get kicked out of nearly every gig so far on this tour. Sorry to the fans that came out and only got to hear three songs, but since you only paid four bucks in most cases, we don't feel too bad. After all, you've come to expect it!

So, I wanted "B" to put in a killer pin-up in the mini that will be hitting the convention circuit. I wanted it all blood and guts sexy. Instead, this is what he comes up with!

As you know, I am very protective of the TEENS image...mine, on the other hand...if you're stupid enough to want my mug on a lunchbox, so be it. In the spirit of NOT giving the audience want they want, I sent it to print. This was when I had hair!

Which brings me to yet another topic, I've had some Hollywood producers sniffing around the TEENS camp lately. And it seem some idiot wants to make a movie about them. I told 'em that I would only consider it if they set up a meeting to have Joey Pants play me. We'll see...

-Lou

Artwork ©2006 Havert/Wilkison and The Expendable Teens

ANNOUNCEMENT

2006-07-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

Hey, kids!

Lou here...we've resisted the temptation thus far...but, we've decided to make a few pieces of swag available online. For many years we have tried not to succumb to the pressures of the marketplace and distribution. We are not ones to compromise. For those of you that have been with us from the beginning or beyond, you could always count on the fact that the merchandise you purchased or received as a gift had been handled and in some cases mangled by one of us. Some of you own some pretty messed up pieces of history because of it. (For those of you who have those item, we would love to see some pictures...the Teens never knew they would be around long enough to have any sort of history, so they never really took the time to archeive a single piece of swag.)

With the addition of comic creators Nik Havert and B. Wilkison to the extended family of Teens, we wanted to not only share ourselves, but the work of the many artists who have helped shape the lore that is the Expendable Teens, to an ever growing legion of fans.

Our merchandise guarantee...if you receive any Expendable Teens merchandise soiled by sweat, blood, piss, spit or cum, you can rest assured that is is 100% EXPENDABLE TEEN!

Expendable Teen tit-an-@$$

2006-06-17T16:27:00.000-07:00

hey, Athena here...

We just did a killer show in Fort Wayne IN last night at the Sunset Hall. We left quite an impression there. At least, I did, when I left a Doc Martin boot sole imprint on a guy's face. He grabbed my boob when I dove into the crowd during Flip's solo on Moldy Mommy Mummy.

After a few shots of Jager, I scribbled down some lyrics:

Put your paws on me, your knees will buckle
Now your tooth's stuck in my knuckle
That's what you get when you cop a feel
An authograph from Doc Martin's heel

Flip and I are going to flesh out the rhythm of it, and Scuz says it's my song to sing.

That's GRRRL POWER, baby!

Lyrics © 2006 Expendable Teens
(Lou made me write this!)

ALBUM

2006-06-01T10:34:00.000-07:00

Hey, punks!!!

Lou here.

Scuz smashed up his noise pretty bad practicing his stage diving off the edge of the bathtub. You might think this was a bit dim on his part, but given that at the time there were more people in the bathroom than have attended our gigs as of late and that the bathroom is actually bigger than most of the venues we've played...it sounded like a good idea.

So, recording has been put on hiatus until Scuz regains that nasal quality you've all grown to hate!

In the mean time we are talking to some artist to come up with an album cover suitable for print. Kind of difficult as we are either going to call the ALBUM Show Me Your Pantylines or Raped By a Sea Turtle. We might open this up to a contest...artist choice...more dets to follow.

Got to go clean up the blood...if you don't clean it up within 24 hours it stains the ceiling!

WTF?!?!

2006-05-23T20:03:00.000-07:00

Detroit's a hole!!!

We've scrapped all plans for a major city tour!
The suburbs are where we are needed most.
Those kids need to know that urban decay starts with them!

Lou

The Expendable Teens are Killing Music!!!

2006-05-17T22:11:00.000-07:00

Hey, all...

Lou here! I'm off to Detroit to scout out some venues for the upcoming Teens Tour. Scuz, Willy, Flip and Athena are busy recording and have just laid down some killer tracks for RAPED BY A SEA TURTLE (working title) and I WANNA SEE YOUR PANTY LINES. Looks like we'll be putting a parental advisory on this one...meaning, we wouldn't want your parents to get a hold of it.

Nik Havert and Bill "The Inkslinger" Wilkison have let me read the first issue of the expendable Teens comic and it's a grab your chest, pull out your heart and see it beating before you die riot!!! Well done boys. Word has it Paul Schultz with contribute in some fashion.

The only rule is GET TO THE GIG!

Phuque

2006-05-12T00:07:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

Lou here! The Teens are back!!! The Expendable Teens that is!!

What's that? You've never heard of the Expendable Teens?! The biggest punk band in the Midwest!! Come on...you're putting me on, man! You're telling me you've never heard Moldy Mommy Mummy, I Forgot My Calculator, My Dog Hates Your Sister or Robots Versus Camels?

Well, all I can say is, as their manager I must not be doing my job! I intend to change all that. The Teens are currently in the studio and we are working out a complex tour schedule that may just bring the Teens into quaint little suburban sanctuary...and when they're through you better jump in front of the train...because we're not going to stop until we reach the top...again!!!

Special thanks to Nik Havert and B. Wilkison for helping the Expendable teens get some promotion material prepared! Welcome to the smegging family boys! Word has it they will be creating a comic chronicling the escapades of the Expendable Teens!!